*taken from my sis's fb. kid these days.
SELAMAT HARI RAYA EVERYONE!
Mohon maaf zahir batin
SELAMAT HARI RAYA EVERYONE!
Mohon maaf zahir batin
Friday, September 10, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
I know you are in a better place now. Al-fatihah.
It has been a month since he left. But it feels like yesterday. Till now I think I couldn't really accept the fact that he's gone. Tah la. How to describe eh? I feel like he's now in KL or some other places and he's coming back esok or lusa. Bukan tak redha. But maybe it was too heartwrenching so my mind preferred to think that way. Tak nak bagi sedih sangat kot. S'ok, nanti kami akan bertemu di Jannah insyaAllah.
Oh maybe some of u have no idea what I'm talking about. My ayoh, Hj Mohd Hashim @ Ariffin b. Ismail passed away on 4th August 2010 at 2.05 pm. On the same day that we were supposed to leave for Mecca. Dari DIA kita datang kepada DIA kita kembali.
Terkilan tak dapat kucup tangan pohon ampun tika jasad masih bernyawa, tak setia di sisi tika sakaratulmaut datang menjelma. Maybe HE knew that I wouldn't have been able to face it all. Masih ingat persis panggilan itu. No tears were shed. Numb. Pohon itu hanya mimpi. Tapi bila dah queue for flight tickets baru realization hit me. No more that deep throathy WELCOME HOME greeting from him every single time I went back home.
We reached home around Asar prayer. I knew that I have to be strong for my mom because my sister was crying all the way back to KB. The house seemed so foreign. Penuh relatives and friends but I didn't know what to do. Should I go and salam with every single one of them? Should I go and weep beside Ayoh's lifeless body? All those familiar faces seemed like strangers. I will remember the look on Mama's face on that day till the day I die. I went to salam with my aunty and cousins. And they were like 'bie duk tunggu nak g Mekoh la ni tadi?'. That was it. I couldn't handle that. Straight away into the room and prayed. Sucikan diri before jumpa Ayoh.
And there were Mama and sis beside him. Crying. I heard Mama whispered to Ayoh 'Ayoh promise dengan Mama Ayoh tunggu Mama deh'. That was so heartbreaking. But I looked at him, I felt so much stronger. He was so good looking. Terbaik yang pernah saya lihat in the past 21 years. Suci, bersih, calm and serene. He kept me going that day. Pergi dalam keadaan itu is something totally to boast about. Every single person who came said that Ayoh looked so peaceful. Syukur Alhamdulillah. Like the saying goes 'it's not how you start, it's how you finish'.
Honestly, I'm happy that he died like that. Syukur. Undoubtedly that HIS plannings were the best. HE never fails to make me feel like I'm the luckiest girl even in this situation. Ayoh left us when he was in KB. Just imagine what if Ayoh passed away while we were waiting for our flights in KLIA? Or when we were sightseeing in Egypt? Atau mungkin di Tanah Haram. Pusara Ayoh obviously wouldn't be at where it is now, 3 minutes from home.
He was bathe after Maghrib in his favourite place-his room. Mama stood by the door teary eyed and I went to hug her, she just said 'This is all too soon'. My niece, Sarah kept on saying 'nak Tok Ayah'. I just didn't know what to tell her. A 2 years old obviously couldn't understand mati tu ape kan. Solat jenazah pun penuh rumah. Alhamdulillah. I went to the cemetery as well, the only woman there. Mama was too sad and sis was too occupied with Sarah.Dari awal lagi dah berazam to be with him through it all. To send him to his final resting place. Ayoh diusung ke sana. What a sight it was. I'm sure he would be smiling if he could see that. It was drizzling. My brother and I mistakenly came from the other side of the cemetery. So to get over to my dad's we had to walk across the HUGE cemetery with 2 kids in tow. It was pitch black dengan becak dengan semalus all over. I just didn't care. I just wanted to be with him. Selipar putus pun belasah je.
Whenever orang datang ziarah said 'sabar deh', that was like a cue for me to cry. Sneaking into my parents' room to cry was a normality. Crying while lying on his side of the bed rase macam he's hugging me. So close. Lagi perit bila orang kata 'oooo ni la anak bongsu hok nok gi Mekah sekali tu'. I remember one night mase tahlil Mama was at the table and she suddenly said 'eh Ayoh'. Obviously it wasn't him. It was my uncle. Ayoh's brother. I couldn't even look at him. Sedih, sayu.
One month after that day and we are still coping. I took a month off. I just don't have the heart to leave Mama. Being at home makes me feel so much closer to Ayoh. Some people just couldn't understand why. Some even suruh I marah my mom if she still crying after a week of his passing. Kau kejam ke nak marah Mak kau nangis teringat bapak kau? 38 years of being together kau nak mak kau buat tak rasa apa, unaffected? You tell me. Bukan meratapi tapi sometimes rindu tu datang. I try to avoid crying in front of Mama. Nak nangis lari masuk toilet or anywhere else except near her.
Oh maybe some of u have no idea what I'm talking about. My ayoh, Hj Mohd Hashim @ Ariffin b. Ismail passed away on 4th August 2010 at 2.05 pm. On the same day that we were supposed to leave for Mecca. Dari DIA kita datang kepada DIA kita kembali.
Terkilan tak dapat kucup tangan pohon ampun tika jasad masih bernyawa, tak setia di sisi tika sakaratulmaut datang menjelma. Maybe HE knew that I wouldn't have been able to face it all. Masih ingat persis panggilan itu. No tears were shed. Numb. Pohon itu hanya mimpi. Tapi bila dah queue for flight tickets baru realization hit me. No more that deep throathy WELCOME HOME greeting from him every single time I went back home.
We reached home around Asar prayer. I knew that I have to be strong for my mom because my sister was crying all the way back to KB. The house seemed so foreign. Penuh relatives and friends but I didn't know what to do. Should I go and salam with every single one of them? Should I go and weep beside Ayoh's lifeless body? All those familiar faces seemed like strangers. I will remember the look on Mama's face on that day till the day I die. I went to salam with my aunty and cousins. And they were like 'bie duk tunggu nak g Mekoh la ni tadi?'. That was it. I couldn't handle that. Straight away into the room and prayed. Sucikan diri before jumpa Ayoh.
And there were Mama and sis beside him. Crying. I heard Mama whispered to Ayoh 'Ayoh promise dengan Mama Ayoh tunggu Mama deh'. That was so heartbreaking. But I looked at him, I felt so much stronger. He was so good looking. Terbaik yang pernah saya lihat in the past 21 years. Suci, bersih, calm and serene. He kept me going that day. Pergi dalam keadaan itu is something totally to boast about. Every single person who came said that Ayoh looked so peaceful. Syukur Alhamdulillah. Like the saying goes 'it's not how you start, it's how you finish'.
Honestly, I'm happy that he died like that. Syukur. Undoubtedly that HIS plannings were the best. HE never fails to make me feel like I'm the luckiest girl even in this situation. Ayoh left us when he was in KB. Just imagine what if Ayoh passed away while we were waiting for our flights in KLIA? Or when we were sightseeing in Egypt? Atau mungkin di Tanah Haram. Pusara Ayoh obviously wouldn't be at where it is now, 3 minutes from home.
He was bathe after Maghrib in his favourite place-his room. Mama stood by the door teary eyed and I went to hug her, she just said 'This is all too soon'. My niece, Sarah kept on saying 'nak Tok Ayah'. I just didn't know what to tell her. A 2 years old obviously couldn't understand mati tu ape kan. Solat jenazah pun penuh rumah. Alhamdulillah. I went to the cemetery as well, the only woman there. Mama was too sad and sis was too occupied with Sarah.Dari awal lagi dah berazam to be with him through it all. To send him to his final resting place. Ayoh diusung ke sana. What a sight it was. I'm sure he would be smiling if he could see that. It was drizzling. My brother and I mistakenly came from the other side of the cemetery. So to get over to my dad's we had to walk across the HUGE cemetery with 2 kids in tow. It was pitch black dengan becak dengan semalus all over. I just didn't care. I just wanted to be with him. Selipar putus pun belasah je.
Whenever orang datang ziarah said 'sabar deh', that was like a cue for me to cry. Sneaking into my parents' room to cry was a normality. Crying while lying on his side of the bed rase macam he's hugging me. So close. Lagi perit bila orang kata 'oooo ni la anak bongsu hok nok gi Mekah sekali tu'. I remember one night mase tahlil Mama was at the table and she suddenly said 'eh Ayoh'. Obviously it wasn't him. It was my uncle. Ayoh's brother. I couldn't even look at him. Sedih, sayu.
One month after that day and we are still coping. I took a month off. I just don't have the heart to leave Mama. Being at home makes me feel so much closer to Ayoh. Some people just couldn't understand why. Some even suruh I marah my mom if she still crying after a week of his passing. Kau kejam ke nak marah Mak kau nangis teringat bapak kau? 38 years of being together kau nak mak kau buat tak rasa apa, unaffected? You tell me. Bukan meratapi tapi sometimes rindu tu datang. I try to avoid crying in front of Mama. Nak nangis lari masuk toilet or anywhere else except near her.
I know that Ayoh is in a better place now. He was the greatest dad. Too bad that I didn't told him that enough when he was still alive :(
Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosa ayahku, permudahkanlah urusannya, tempatkanlah dia bersama golongan yang beriman, tempatkanlah dia dalam syurgaMu, sejahterakanlah dia di sana, lapangkanlah kuburnya, terangilah pusaranya. Sampaikan salam rindu kami padanya Ya Allah. Al-fatihah.
Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosa ayahku, permudahkanlah urusannya, tempatkanlah dia bersama golongan yang beriman, tempatkanlah dia dalam syurgaMu, sejahterakanlah dia di sana, lapangkanlah kuburnya, terangilah pusaranya. Sampaikan salam rindu kami padanya Ya Allah. Al-fatihah.
ps:doakan kami kuat juga ok?
pps:raya is not going to be the same without him.
pps:raya is not going to be the same without him.
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