swimming in my self-loahted misery?not anymore...

'An obviously failed attempt in sincerely asking for ur forgiveness'-Luqman zaharin

'Saket ko die?'-Rohayu che kob

'Hahahaha'-Solehah rahmat

Guess what.He texted me.He freaking texted me.For all these while.Why now?It has been 10 agonizing,heart wrenching months.And he just acting like we just broke up yesterday.For what man?U don't have to. It was so nice of u but no.I don't need ur apology.Apology accepted all along.Ur just making things harder for me with that apology.I should have received that apology long ago man.10 months?That's how long it takes for him to realised all his fault?I'm not saying that he entirely should be blamed for what happened between us.I've my share too.But i still remember every single words he said to me.Every single words.It hurts.Still.

There wasn't a day passed by without me thinking of him.I cried to sleep.I cried in my sleep.Seeing people holding hands made me sick.Living through everyday is freaking gruelling for me.And he knew it.U fucking knew it!Why now?Guess he enjoyed watching me suffered eh?But not anymore.Like luqman said 'it doesn't matters how hard u fall,what matters is how u stood strong after that'.And i did.10 months passed by and I'm going strong day by day without him.Yes there are days filled with the thoughts of him.But it'll just come and go.I've shared great times with him and it's impossible for me to pack all the memories and lived my life like i never knew him.I can't.Someday all the long forgetten memories will flood into my life and making things harder.So i'll just remember him as a chapter in my life.A chapter that taught me to love myself first before loving others.A chapter that taught me to be better.And i can't just simply tear and toss that chapter away cause i don't want my book of life has a blank page.

Best wishes for u megat..

This was written on 8th December 2008.