another you.

I woke up and I cried. Sobbing. Another dream of him. I'm quite blessed comapred to my other family members sebab I paling banyak mimpi Ayoh since his demise. Every week apart from last week maybe sebab I stress nak exam tho it was only trial. But I remember tossing and turning in bed on the night before P6. Ended up crying to sleep because I missed him so much. I MISS HIM SO MUCH. There never will a past tense to it sebab I memamg rindu Ayoh every single minute. The only difference is the intensity.


The dreams are more or less the same. About we used to do, what he loved. Sometimes he just came out of nowhere and hugged me. Macam I tengah mimpi about something else and POOF! ayah came and hugged me. Sometimes there would be a proper storyline to it. Like the one that we had a car ride together, chatting, having fun, makan aiskrim together. Tapi I taknak balik when he sent me to my house sebab I knew nanti I dah tak boleh jumpa dia dah. He hugged me and said comforting words to me. Tapi bile I sedar I couldn't remember what we talked about, those things he said to me.


Last night was about me,mama and daddy went to Mecca. There was some kind of plague and it was so chaotic, Daddy couldn't make it. We were separated sebab kecoh sangat kan. Tapi I sampai to this one centre where they manage all the bodies. I saw Ayoh. With the look on his face exactly like on the day he died. So serene. I kissed his cheek and went to get my mom. We talked about him. Reminiscing. I ingat I told my mom that he used to rub his shaved chin to my face. That was when I felt he was soooooo close to me. Kan kasar kalau baru lepas shave and I could feel it. Macam die baru buat. Sini. Atas my right eyebrow.


I never tell mama about my dreams because there was once when my sis told her that she had a dream of Ayoh, mama said 'herm ore lain mipi blako. Mama jah tok mipi'. I know she misses her darling so much. 38 years of being together is not something that you can put at the back of your mind easily. Macam kalau I mimpi, jarang je I sedih in the dreams sebab he was so close. So bila dah bangun, dah sedar I'd ended up crying sebab baru sedar he's no longer here and it was just a dream.


Oh one more thing. If a friend of u told u about his/her dream of his/her deceased parent/loved ones, jangan lah sial sangat pergi cakap mimpi tu mainan tidur or mimpi tu tak logik sebab tu la one of the channels nak luahkan rindu. Ok enough of my crapping. Happy Saturday everyone!